So, here we are again. It's been quite a while! Hello, faithful (LOL) readers of Massive Artifact. Pardon my disappearance. I sort of entirely forgot about this place till Roger (of Perpetual Stu, P&N, etc..) (who you should hire to do stuff for you, hes really good at it) asked me a question, that I felt was appropriately answered with a blog post:
Why do I see WORSE as a transmasculine song?
Readers of my blog tend to also be readers of my Twitter, where I commonly post about music I enjoy (Pretty & Nice, in particular, my favorite band and special interest) and some of you may have read that there are particular songs I view as queer, or like theyre about mental illness. I commonly do this when I relate to the songs lyrics in a way that sticks out to me as loaded with that particular thing - it doesn't mean I believe the writers/performers of the songs are neurodivergent/queer (though its only a plus if they are), only that they've written a song that I find relatable in that particular aspect. Sometimes, these interpretations are more loose, (P&N has Busy Bees, for example, which I loosely believe is about not being taken seriously as an autistic person) and some of them are more strong, like WORSE's transmasculinity. This is what I will be talking about here! I consider this to be a "followup" to my review of the song, and an example of what my non-review blog posts may be, if I remember to actually write stuff here (I will, I promise)
Readers of the blog may also take note now that this will (not in detail) discuss topics such as transphobia, suicide and mental illness, and may get a bit heavy. If these topics make you uncomfortable or may trigger you in any way, I highly recommend not reading much further, but I cannot stop you and it is ultimately your decision. Take care of yourself!
So, I intend to do this quite simply - I will be breaking the song down by lyrical section, adding my own two cents as we go. If you wish, you can listen to the song as we go here.
Without further ado, let's get started! Sorry if the formatting here looks dog shit-ass, I tried my very best.
"You tell me to man up / but masculinity's a curse"
This line immediately pokes out to me as being about the way men are percieved in culture (which is what the song is originally about, this interpretation builds onto that rather than shoving it aside), and also about how exhausting it may be to "masquerade" as a cisgender man when you're trans. Therefore ending up with seeing your own experienced masculinity as "a curse", stopping you from being someone you may want to be more than the stereotypical man you pretend to be to seem "normal" around peers.
"Come on, mess me up, just do your worst / and I can take it, I know I've got the nerve"
Transphobia and other nasty comments, even in good faith, hurt. Especially now that (in my opinion) trans acceptance, particularly online, has devolved and gotten worse, comments about it are sort of inescapable. Even if they are not directed at you, stuff is littered all over Twitter, about how people are mutilating their bodies and becoming unhappy, about how trans women arent real women, etc, etc - it's practically unavoidable at this point, is MY point. And that will end up hurting you, but in interest of keeping a facade up about, perhaps, your lack of feelings about it all, you brush it off, you've "got the nerve" to see all of this shit talk about yourself or people in your community.
"There's nothing you can't do that I haven't done to myself first"
Several studies have been conducted about the suicide rates in queer youth vs. cishet youth, which have found that the rate of suicide attempts in queer youth is significantly higher than other groups, which then of course maps onto depression. According to a 2023 US survey by the Trevor Project, 41% of queer youth had severely struggled with suicidal ideation in the past year, particularly due to unaccepting environments. As a person who would surely be counted as queer youth, I've found that my identity as a transgender person and public reception of that has been the cause of a lot of my depression - and generally, other transgender youth seems to have the same issue. (I am also sure this goes for adults, but I didn't do a large amount of research there in interest of keeping this paragraph from getting much wordier…)
For the sake of brevity, I will be cutting this short, but I highly recommend looking at the survey results, if you're curious about the statistics.
"You know what I mean x3"
Eventually, someone will somehow catch on - I know that sounds pessimistic, but that's not necessarily a bad thing! You may, for example, find another transgender person who has similar interests and feelings, who "knows what [you] mean" when you express your thoughts on all of these subjects.
"All around the world / it's only getting worse"
…I feel like this one is self-explanatory. I touched on it earlier, but these days, if you are online as a trans person, you will come across some sort of prejudice against your community simply for existing, a problem that has gotten far worse in recent times (especially on Elon's Twitter (the only thing it is morally correct to deadname)).
"Everyone in the group chat seems like they're gonna burst"
Previously, I mention how you may find another trans person who understands you - this is, in my experience, far easier online, therefore the mention of a group chat. And, as I stated earlier, queer youth may have a harder time with depression, anxiety & suicidal ideation, therefore contributing to the feeling of wanting to burst.
"So I take a deep breath, I forget my meds"
Again, less transgender and more in general - forgetting my meds is something I personally do quite often, entirely without thinking about it. I also don't like taking pain medication when I'm in pain - again, not a transgender thing, but I feel it is important to note.
"Send a thumbs up react / and hope to god that it works"
Again, tying into the whole digital friendships thing - I find that my friends and I sort of lean on each other when it comes to comfort, but that doesn't mean we always know what to say. This often times leads to situations where a person will send a simple emoji (such as a hug, commonly) instead of a long wordy response, which there is nothing wrong with, of course. I just see it as a common thing, particularly in the circles I find myself in, which typically have a large majority of transgender people in them.
So, that's basically it this time. I really enjoy dissecting songs on a personal level like this, it's the closest I'll ever get to putting my soul online, I think..
A lot of my musical interpretations mean a lot to me, and I love to discuss them - they often represent how I tend to map a lot of my life into sections depending on what music I'm listening to, which I just think is incredibly interesting to talk about. Music is an important part of my life and if I can share my views with anyone else, I certainly will do so!
Blog post written with love by Newton J. Remnikopf, from August 1st 2024 12:26AM - 2:20AM, Norway time, or so. I was not counting.
….And, Hi, Roger :-) If you are reading this, I hope this gives you the answer you were looking for - I know I sent you my little graphic, but I don't feel it is executed as well as I could have, with some extra work, haha.
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